I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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