drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
