Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
