My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
