I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My vagina is officially offended.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
