If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
