I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
