Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
