Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
