Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sobbing to NWA
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
