i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
