i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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