I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
