so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
