I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
