Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
