i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
