I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
