when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well I just put wine in my tea
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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