Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
