We're facebook friends in real life
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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