She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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