Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
