Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
