That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
This is my life. Enjoy the view
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
