The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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