i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
