i think my tv is drunk
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
