I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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