I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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