you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
