worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
