The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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