sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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