he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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