# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
