"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
