i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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