I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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