I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
