he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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