he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
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We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
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I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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