The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
