suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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