He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
