if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
