Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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