Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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