foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
