I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
