My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
