i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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