my phone needs a breathalizer
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize