I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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