There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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