Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
