so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
