I am puke
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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