you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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