Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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