i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
