I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
