Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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