Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
