I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
