glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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