After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i love accidental penises.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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