also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
