On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
