um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
