OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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