You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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